Mr. Fuches Ruefully Presents
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"When a thing has been said and
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said well, have no scruple.
Take 8
8
it and copy it." - Anatole France
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And on that note, we're off....
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"I like something with 'vice' in it."
- Ted Turner,
new Vice Chairman of Time Warner
"Headhunting was what they had lived for. Though it might seem callous
or
frivolous to say so, headhunting had been the most tremendous fun, and
without it life lost almost all its zest."
- Pat Barker, _The Ghost Ahead_
"We would bet a Jeep Cherokee that if people in any place in Europe were
stuck in their driveways or on poorly plowed roads for more than two or
three days, they would storm city hall, even if they had to ski to get
there."
- Loew & Freund, The Washington Post
"In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the
learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that
no
longer exists."
- Eric Hoffer
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what
we
leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before
we
can enter another."
- Anatole France
"Our desires attract supporting reasons as a magnet the iron fillings."
- W. MacNeile Dixon
"The longing for certainty and repose is in every human mind. But certainty
is generally illusion and repose is not the destiny of man."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting
otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
- Theodore Rubin
"Just remember--when you think all is lost, the future remains."
- Robert Goddard
"Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that
those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know
it."
- Johann Goethe
"To give up pretensions is as blessed a relief as to get them ratified."
- William James
"Let us be generous of our dignity as well as of our money. Greatness once
and forever has done with opinion."
- Emerson
"The NSA is now funding research not only in cryptography, but in all areas
of advanced mathematics. If you'd like a circular describing these new
research opportunities, just pick up your phone, call your mother, and
ask
for one."
- according to Net folk lore, a joke delivered at
a mathematics conference by a senior NSA official
"The first measure of a free society is *not* that its government performs
the will of the majority. We had that in 1930s Germany and in the
South
until the '60s. The *first* measure of a free society is that its
government protects the just freedoms of its minorities. The *majority*
is
quite capable of protecting itself."
- Jim Warren
"I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even though she's
too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I worry about. I worry that
10
or 15 or 20 years from now she will come to me and say, 'Daddy, where were
you when they took freedom of the press away from the Internet?'"
- Mike Godwin, Electronic Frontier Foundation
"This is America, darn it, and I have the right to say whatever I want.
Except that maybe it's not America. You may have *said* it in America,
but
in 15 minutes, when your message gets to England, you may be breaking
anti-blasphemy laws. You don't even want to think about what happens when
your message gets to Saudi Arabia."
- Robert Rossney, San Francisco Chronicle
"You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away
from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in
your power--he's free again."
- A. Solzhenitsyn
"UNIX: It doesn't just give you rope to hang yourself with. It gives you
the gallows, the hangman, and the jeering crowd."
- Jon Rust
"This signature project was my last, best hope to seem eloquent. It failed.
But in the year of Decency In Communications Act, it became something
greater. My last, best hope for satire. The year is 1996. The Place:
Babbling On Pine."
- Kyle N. Foster (.sig)
"Gutenberg thought Bibles were the killer app."
- Bran Ferren
"At Suck, we abide by the principle which dictates that somebody will
always position himself or herself to systematically harvest anything of
value in this world for the sake of money, power and/or ego-fulfillment.
We
aim to be that somebody. You wanted feedback? Cover your ears and watch
your back ... it wants you too."
- Duke & Webster, www.suck.com
"The revolution won't be televised; it will be posted."
- Vierling's Axiom
"The Mac was a major step forward in the marketplace and, by comparison,
almost nothing has happened since. It took all the other computer companies
more than five years to copy Apple and, in some cases, they have done so
with inferior results, even today."
- Nicholas Negroponte, _Being Digital_
"Windows 95's look and feel mimics MacOS...but the overhaul is still skin
deep."
- PC WEEK
"Windows 95 = Mac 89"
- said by Mac users
"I don't object to Microsoft's monopoly, I object to Microsoft's mediocrity."
- Larry Ellison, CEO Oracle Corp.
"Like the Old West, today's digital frontier also has its dangers, its
fierce struggles for power and for control of resources, and its bitter
conflicts of values. And like the Old West, the digital frontier has
nourished a culture of zeaolous individualism and entrepreneurialism. It
has its gold rushes (Wall Street), its uncharted lands (the Internet),
its
territories newly opened to farmers and homesteaders (the World Wide Web),
a pony express (electronic mail), plenty of outlaws (hackers) buy nary
a
sheriff (security), and its few settled towns (e.g., America Online and
Prodigy) where decent folk can enjoy some of the comforts of civilization.
One can even find futhless and greedy railroad barons (Microsoft) running
roughshod over those who get in the way."
- Kline & Burstein, _Road Warriors, Dreams & Nightmares
Along the Information Highway_
"For every slacker in Generation X, there is a gung-ho explorer or
entrepreneur, ready to ride the digital technology to go where no one else
has yet gone."
- ibid
"The future has already arrived; it just isn't evenly distributed."
- William Gibson
"Why bother to gaze into the future? In 50 years the world changes
completely--but everyone who could notice and comment is shellshocked or
dead."
- Bruce Sterling
"You should not have any special fondness for a particular weapon, or
anything else, for that matter. Too much is the same as not enough."
-Miyamoto Musashi, _The Book of Five Rings_
"Throwing down your sword is also an art of war. If you have attained
mastery of swordlessness, you will never be without a sword. The opponent's
sword is your sword."
- Yagyu Munenori, _Family Traditions on the Art of War_
"It is not possible to find morality in struggles for power. Your enemies
view you as you do them and likely regard themselves as virtuous in their
attempts at mayhem upon you. In struggles for power, your judgements should
be based entirely on self-interest and finding as direct and economical
a
route to your goal as possible. If that route is bloody and barbaric, so
much the worse for those who oppose you."
- V. _The Mafia Manager_
"If you must do something at a time inconvenient for you, be less than
brief, say less than nothing, do nothing more than show up and reschedule."
- ibid
"Time is money--steal some today!"
- Levine & Young, _Unix for Dummies_
"I hold it to be of great prudence for men to abstain from threats and
insulting words towards any one, for neither the one nor the other in any
way diminishes the strength of the enemy; but the one makes him more
cautious, and the other increases his hatred of you, and makes him more
persevering in his efforts to injure you."
- Machiavelli
"Love's an illusion."
"It's the only illusion that counts, my friend."
"Says who?"
"Anybody who's ever been in love."
"Love sucks."
"No, your attitude sucks."
- from _St. Elmo's Fire_
"You got any balls down there?"
"Just about the biggest pair you ever saw!"
- from Kevin Smith's _Clerks_
"Gentleman: Free your minds!"
"I'd like to free something."
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."
- from Kevin Smith's _Mallrats_
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor.' But I
tell you, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those
who
curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you, so that you may be sons
of
your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the wicked and on the
good, and sends rain to the righteous and to the unrighteous."
- Jesus of Nazareth
"Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only
kindness can do that."
- Jean Baptiste Henri Lacordaire
"Frosty the Snowman, was a big cold white fat guy."
- adapted from traditional, by Chris 'Bru' Brubaker
"I'm that phat, and all that."
- Jesse 'Tank' Spencer
"If elected, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of you and burn
your town to cinders."
- Rafi Berkson
"This is The Assassination Game! Paranoia! Trust no one! Shoot first and
ask questions in class!"
- SeanMike Whipkey
"Ah, the Virginia Pep Band. There's an organization that has withstood
more adversity than any Band in the nation--and they're still standing
tall. They rush in where Athletic Departments fear to tread."
- Jefferson-Pilot TV announcer,
at the 1995 ACC Tournament
"You have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than
to
consume wealth without producing it."
- Shaw
"I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine
o'clock every morning."
- Peter De Vries
"Fair's fair."
- traditional
"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
- Henry David Thoreau
"Only the other day we read in the newpapers some bunkum about a
middle-aged morals offender who pleaded guilty to the violation of the
Mann
Act and to transporting a nine-year-old girl across state lines for immoral
purposes, whatever these are. Dolores darling! You are not nine but almost
thirteen, and I would not advise you to consider yourself my cross-country
slave, and I deplore the Mann Act as lending itself to a dreadful pun,
the
revenge that the Gods of Semantics take against tight-zippered Philistines.
I am your father, and I *am* speaking English, and I love you."
- Humbert Humbert, Vladimir Nabokov's _Lolita_
"Victory is not won in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold
your
ground, and later win a little more."
- Louis L'Amour
"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect
wood
and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for
the
endless immensity of the sea."
- Antoine de Saint Exupery
"The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas."
- Linus Pauling
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors
to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success
unexpected in common hours."
- Henry David Thoreau
"Do the thing and you will have the power."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The number of things Jefferson did, or knew how to do, still astonishes.
He was a mathematician, surveyor, architect, paleontologist, prosodist,
lawyer, philosopher, farmer, fiddler and inventor. He set up an educational
system; he built a university; he founded a great political party; he
helped design the national capital; he was instrumental in establishing
America's coinage; he doubled the territory of the United States; he
invented machines and gadgets; he collected scientific materials in the
fields of zoology, geology and anthropology; he wrote a classic essay on
poetry; he codified the legal system of his native State. Everything
interested him; nothing was alien to his mind."
- Saul K. Padovar, _Jefferson_
"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be
when you kill them."
- William Clayton
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming
in
terror like his passengers."
- Jim Harkins
"Science is powerless to explain
This amount of stimulation
To the body and brain"
- Shriekback, "Get Down Tonight (Rap)"
"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn
to
smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams."
- Mary Ellen Kelly
"Do not tell fish stories where people know you; but particularly, don't
tell them where they know the fish."
- Mark Twain
"Is this true or only clever?"
- Augustine Birrell
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because
I
hate plants."
- A. Whitney Brown
"The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest."
- Henry David Thoreau
"I would not enter on my list of friends the man who needlessly sets foot
upon a worm."
- William Cowper
"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple
of
years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself to
not
to worry. Worry never fixes anything."
- Mary Hemingway
"Drop the question of what tomorrow may bring, and count as profit every
day that fate allows you."
- Horace
"What America needs now is a drink."
- FDR, upon ending Prohibition
"Keep your libraries, keep your penal institutions, keep your insane
asylums... give me beer. You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world
does not need morals, it needs beer. It does not need your lectures and
charity. The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul
could make use of beer."
- Henry Miller, "Make Beer For Man", 1925
"'THE PENIS! MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD!' No... wait... that's '*PEN* *IS*....'"
- Charles Shields
"That isn't love. That's *bullshit*!"
- Charles Shields Sr.
"Do you want confession?"
"Uh, maybe later, Father. Where I'm going, I'd just have to come right
back."
- the Priest and the Mariachi, _Desperado_
"Now let's kill that fucking band."
- Sex Machine, _From Dusk Till Dawn_
"Give the guy a gun, he think's he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks
he's God!"
- Police Captain, John Woo's _Hardboiled_
"So easy to pick up... so hard to put down."
- John Woo's _The Killer_, examining a gun
"The video-game phenomenon called Doom has given us sore wrists, shattered
careers, and more hours of video violence than a thousand John Woo films."
- Noah Green, Premiere Magazine
"I sat back letting my mind work without pushing it. Push your mind too
hard, and it will fuck up like an overloaded switch-board, or turn on you
with sabotage.... And I had no margin for error. Americans have a special
horror of giving up control, of letting things happen in their own way
without interference. They would like to jump down into their stomachs
and
digest the food and shovel the shit out.
Your mind will answer most questions
if you learn to relax and wait
for the answer. Like one of those thinking machines, you feed in your
question, sit back, and wait..."
- William S. Burroughs, _Naked Lunch_
"Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right actions arises by itself?"
- Lao Tzu, _Tao Te Ching_
"Do you imagine that the universe is agitated?
Go out into the desert at night and look up at the sky
This practice should answer the question"
- Lao Tzu, _Hua Hu Ching_
"Adulthood, one could say, is when it begins to occur to you that you may
not be leading a charmed life."
- Adam Phillips
"Postgraduate life, once fluid with adventure and experiment, has become
a
mixture of _Slacker_ alienation and _Blade Runner_ survivalism."
- Howe & Strauss, _13thGen_
"I have two credos I hold above everything else: money is everything. more
is better. anyone who thinks differently is completely deluding themselves.
art is only art if someone will pay to see it. nothing in life can be
accomplished without adequate capital. the only thing money can't buy is
good kneecaps."
- tmaster, as quoted in Howe & Strauss' _13th Gen_
"Putting down her mug, she said that before I got into one of my Exercised
Young Man states, I should realize that the only reason we all go to work
in the morning is because we're terrified of what would happen if we
*stopped*. 'We're not built for free time as a species. We think we are,
but we aren't....' She was saying that most of us have only two or three
genuinely interesting moments in our lives, the rest is filler, and that
at
the end of our lives, most of us will be lucky if any of those moments
connect together to form a story that anyone would find remotely
interesting."
- Douglas Coupland, _Generation X_
"He thought he was gonna die, but he didn't
She thought she just couldn't cope, but she did
We thought it was all over, but it wasn't
It hadn't started yet"
- Kate Bush, "Walk Straight Down the Middle"
April 17, 1996
Quotes: The Gathering